Day 1

9/18/24

Today I have officially been alcohol free for one year. This year has been an emotional rollercoaster. I met emotions with a whole personality that I didn’t even know existed. I learned to love those emotions and how to soothe them and listen to them. I’ve gone to events and felt out of place and then I’ve gone to events and had the absolute time of my life. I would not change a single thing about the last year, except maybe when I broke those dishes to find an outlet to anger, but we will get to that story much later. Not only do I love and accept the person I am today I love all the versions of myself that have gone before me because they did get me here. Yes they may have taken some wrong turns and traveled very slowly to get here but we have arrived at the destination and that is what matters the most! And self-love was something I learned in the past year- it was a completely foreign concept before.

Day 1

9/18/23- Monday

There was no journal entry this day or for several days following. There was no announcement to my family or close friends of my plans. It was just business as usual.

I had had many day 1’s -this wasn’t my first rodeo. I knew the drill, listen to the podcasts, eat what you want, move your body and stay distracted. I had my favorite podcasters on sobriety- Alcohol Tipping Point, Sober Powered, Hello Someday, This Naked Mind and Euphoric. The only thing I remember doing different on this day one was being more strategic on what I listened to- I looked through these podcasts and queued up all the ones they had on keys for success in the early days. Now you need to know I have the attention span of a squirrel- which means I would start a podcast and zone out very easily. I decided this time I wouldn’t rewind the podcasts when my mind wandered; I would just keep listening to them and take in whatever my brain grabbed. I had my ear buds in on a regular basis.

All the self-doubt was loud and on repeat- “sure you can do this until Friday but then you will drink”, “you fail every time, you will just fail again” “why on earth do you think you have what it takes when you always just go back to your old ways”

And then the whisper “but what if you do make it- I hear an alcohol-free life is AMAZING, I think we really want that life”

Now to be clear I am not talking about hearing voices- this is my own internal dialogue I am referencing. My self- talk was in full force and this would be the voice that I learned the most from over the next 365 days.