Days 2, 3, and 4

Days 2, 3 and 4

No journal entry these days

These days are very similar- it was the middle of the week a Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Still no announcement to anyone of the journey I am on, and no one has asked or noticed. I was struggling with falling asleep, my mind was racing a bit. I seemed to be more obsessed with alcohol while trying to avoid it than I was while consuming it. The podcasts were playing regularly, I was getting about 12,000 steps a day- my dogs were loving the walks. I had my fridge stocked with all my favorite sparkling waters.

The big gift here was the mornings- waking up and knowing I had conquered the day before. I thanked myself every morning for the gift of the day before. I knew the amazing alcohol free life people talked about was the ultimate gift, and I had to treat each day as a step towards the big present.

The weekend was coming and I had a birthday party to go to at a winery for my mom. You don’t just bail on your moms party. And remember I hadn’t told anyone. The thoughts of this party were consuming the loud self-talk voice “you love their wine, what are you going to do bring a water, how dumb will that look”, “ Why are you doing all this work, no way will you make it through the winery without drinking”.

I got very disciplined at shoving those thoughts away and telling myself just deal with today – don’t think too far ahead. And the whisper “what if you do succeed, what if you do drink water, what if you still enjoy it”

One Year Later

I celebrated one year alcohol free yesterday with my family. My husband, daughter, daughter-in law and close friends have all expressed their pride in my accomplishment and I could really feel their sincerity. I can’t describe that in words really other than to say it definitely created a core memory I will cherish the rest of my life. My daughter in law, grandson and I, also hiked a mountain to celebrate. It felt symbolic to climb those stairs and stand at the top on a beautiful sunny day.

Around months 9 alcohol free, I started feeling empowered and a strong desire to help other woman achieve this freedom. Since then, I have started taking life and recovery coaching classes, developed this website, began an Instagram account. My goal is to help anyone I can to reach this place too. Reflecting back on those early days- if I was placing a bet on who would come out victorious- my money would have been on alcohol and NOT me. After traveling this journey I can assure you from here on out my bet will ALWAYS be placed on me. I don’t mean that in an arrogant way- I mean that in a way of I have learned who I am, how to listen to myself and how to be resilient. I have become empowered.