One Month

One Month

Journal entry- I did it, I can’t believe I went to a beer festival and did not drink. I am not sure where the strength came from but I won’t question it too much, I’ll just keep going.

I made it 30 days- it felt good, mostly. Slightly easier than I expected which is scaring me some. I am not celebrating this accomplishment, instead my thoughts are saying do another 30 days- so that is the plan.

During this last week I went to a craft beer festival- yes you read that right. Why you may ask- well in the past I loved these things and this year I encouraged some friends and family to join me. You buy these tickets well in advance – read that as I bought the tickets well before I said no more drinking and stuck to it. The tickets sell out quickly. Lucky for me I grabbed 6 of them before they sold out ☹. I am not announcing to the world at this point that alcohol, which is designed to be an addictive substance may have gotten its addictive fingers into me. My family and cousin know at this point and no one else.

I contemplate canceling- weigh all my options, illness, unexpected invitation (although all the people I do things with are in this group), sick dog, car troubles. In the end I sell my beer tasting ticket and buy a designated driver ticket (those never sell out).

I attend the event as the DD. The DD beverages are on a table to themselves. This table includes a carafe of coffee (lukewarm at best), variety of creamers (impressive), and liter bottles of soda (not on ice, no ice to be found). It is a self serve type set-up. I did call the event prior and asked if I could bring my own drinks as the DD and was told that was not allowed.

At the event what I notice first is the new beers that have come out, from some of my favorite breweries. The cans are pretty, I am enjoying the colors and the graphics. I start to think about how a bag of oreos has never changed- the packaging has mostly remained the same and yet that product has thrived for so many years. Why do alcoholic beverages have to be packaged so pretty and why are they always changing it up a bit- to suck us in that is why. Read up on the marketing of alcohol- it is shocking how we are played. But the original Oreos they just keep being great in the same blue and white packaging.

There are so many people at this event I know that I am busy visiting and repeatedly saying “no I drew the short-straw I am the DD tonight”. Some people grimaced at that response- they couldn’t even imagine- some said how they had that role last year. When I got home I could not sleep- I drank about 6 cups of lukewarm coffee. I was also feeling a lot of emotions, anxiety, sadness, pride, disbelief. I sat up for hours alone and thought about the pretty cans, the temptation, the moments visiting with people and being truly present

One month done- can I keep this going? It really is feeling like I can-I don’t dare to dream too much. At this point in the journey if I thought about the holidays, sober vacation, anniversary, emotional challenge, or even stubbing my toe I got nervous. So again remind myself keep building a strong foundation one day at a time. Deal with today. Tell the negative self-talk to shut-up

One Year Later

This past weekend I organized a little NA beer tasting event to show off how delicious some of them are. I am excited to share these NA beers with my friends. One year ago I was hiding my NA beers in can koozies. This year they are on display! It makes me shake my head at how drastic of a change it is.

I was a guest on a podcast this past week talking about this past year with an emphasis on what a difference a year can make. There is not a single thing in my life that is not better without alcohol in it. I laugh easier and harder, I feel joy in ways that is so deep and gives me peace. Long ago I had given alcohol control over my life- I allowed it to decide what events I would go to, how long I would stay, how I felt about myself, and most importantly I gave alcohol the control to deal with my emotions. I realized that if I gave that control away I could also take it back! I have days where I feel down, and you know what they are not that bad- they do pass. Sadness does have a place in my life- it shouldn’t be drank away. I spent a lot of time this week thinking about those affected by the recent hurricanes. That brought feelings of sadness, compassion, and concern. It doesn’t hurt to sit with emotions without alcohol- I treasure it now. Feelings those emotions have helped me learned who I truly am and what inspires me. A year ago emotions scared the hell out of me- seriously. Now they are a part of me that I embrace. This did not happen overnight- it took a year to get here.