Three Months

3 Months

During this time I was feeling mostly upbeat. I was enjoying things deeper than I had in a long time. Removing the mental chatter of alcohol and its companion shame/guilt felt like a huge weight had been lifted.

The what if voice that was a whisper in the beginning had become the louder voice now. I was believing in myself and connecting with friends and family in a way I had not in the past. I wrote several times in my journal “I am really doing this”.

There were moments where I was still romanticizing alcohol whether that be while watching a movie and the actors were drinking, seeing pictures of people drinking on social media or reading a book and the characters were drinking wine. My mind would quickly say “You can’t do that”. Reframing that thought to “I don’t want to do that” was very helpful.

Thanksgiving took place during this time and from that holiday I learned how important decompression time was. This was time I took after an event or stressful day where I sat and really processed the emotions and thoughts of the day. Anxiety was a new emotion for me and I was dealing with it on the regular- I had a series of questions I would ask myself such as: How likely is this thing I am worrying about to actually happen, Has that ever happened before, What is worrying producing that is beneficial, what could I be doing instead of obsessing over this thought. Around this time I started getting very curious about my emotions. I would welcome them and try to determine where they originated, why they were there, what was the purpose, how could I nurture them without making them overzealous. There was a lot of trial and error to this process and a main go to was a hot bubble bath with a candle and a book.

The podcasts continued during this time along with quit lit and participating in my virtual community. I was keeping my routine with journal time every morning and down time every night. And every morning I continued to thank myself for not drinking the night before.

One Year Later

I am now 1 year and 3 months away from alcohol. The freedom of living an alcohol free life is incredible and almost indescribable. It is something you must experience to truly understand.

My son’s wedding took place recently. I had my non-alcoholic wines and beers available for our guests. I was thanked for this option by several people and the bartenders remarked how nice it was to have this option for people. One of the things that kept me drinking was the idea that if I didn’t drink I wouldn’t have or be any fun. I had the time of my life the night of my son’s wedding, I enjoyed talking with everyone, felt relaxed and laughed genuinely. At the end of the night my husband and I danced to the last slow song of the evening. And maybe the best part of all was the next day reflecting on the beautiful memories that were made along with genuinely connecting with those I cherish. There were no moments of self-doubt, no guilt over things I said while drinking and no negative self- talk. And above all else I never for one second thought I wish I could drink or I want a drink- I did not miss it at all!

Keep trusting the process- there is a great life on the alcohol free side.