Week 3

Week 3

Journal Entry- I’m less fixated on drinking wine and more fixated on food. Transferring one obsession for another I am afraid.

I know Abe Lincoln said to never tell a lie-I did not follow this advice. I had all sorts of lies for why I wasn’t drinking- I was the DD, I was on antibiotics, I was in a sober challenge (sort of true). At this point there is no way in hell I was going to say- I’m trying out a sober life, I don’t drink (gag), I realized alcohol wasn’t serving me so I am eliminating it from my life (good God can you even imagine the horror). The truth was I didn’t want 1 drink I wanted more than that.

Remember when I said that I had several social events coming up -well week 3 was packed with them. During the week I would be out of town for 2 nights for a major work event. The kind of work event you celebrate when it is completed-in my mind the way to celebrate was with alcohol. The event went off without a hitch. I was with a co-worker and friend and instead of hitting a brewery we went hiking to celebrate, we also saw the most glorious sunrise- that sunrise is the background picture of my website home page 😊. I used the sober challenge as my excuse for not drinking. I was out of my home routine but tried to stick to it as much as possible. The place we went to dinner had my all time favorite blueberry beer- this is when I realized I loved alcohol. Looking at other people drink that beer felt like I had lost a love of my life. I needed to trust the process- there would be a grief period. But I did not like these feelings- in the past I would have a drink to get rid of icky feelings- now what the fuck was I supposed to do with them?

During this week I also joined an online community- the podcasts kept telling me you need to find a community. One of my all-time favorite podcasters The Alcohol Tipping Point had an Instagram post about the book they were reading in their book club. I sent her a message an asked how does one join this book club. She sent me the link to a group called AFBA’s (Alcohol-free Bad Ass). I joined and the first virtual meeting was Friday of this week. I was so nervous- like whole body sweating and trying to control my shaking nervous to meet these people. People introduced themselves and they all told me I was in a warm, welcoming supportive place. I was watching the clock the whole time waiting for the meeting to be over.

Saturday of this week we had a party to go to- it was a 60th wedding anniversary. I would be with a group of people I highly enjoyed and where alcohol would be flowing. My reason this night was I was the designated driver. Funny thing is my husband doesn’t drink much and he doesn’t need a DD. On this night I observed drinkers in their natural habitat. I watched how quickly or slowly people drank and how many drinks they had. I was shocked! People I thought were “drinkers” had 1 or 2 drinks, and several switched to water. There was a fully stocked bar and people were not enjoying it nearly as much as I felt they should. I had brought my sparkling waters in my purse and I’ll be honest they didn’t taste that great on this night. I did enjoy my conservations and again was noticing how present I was. The word to describe my mood would be melancholy, I was sad to be separated from alcohol, I wasn’t sure I would ever enjoy this, I felt like a social outcast- who doesn’t drink at social events?

My cousin came home from her overseas trip the conversation went like this- Me-“Please don’t be mad at me but I am on a mission, I’m not drinking anymore”, Her-“Uhm ok, great, what can I do to help”, Me-“don’t exclude me, keep inviting me, don’t treat me any different”, Her-“I can do that, I can’t describe how much alcohol I brought back from my trip for us to try” We both laughed so hard at that. She told me she loved me and that she was happy for me. I felt the sincerity and to this day she has been one of my main supporters.

One Year Later

I don’t know what exactly I was hoping to get from the online community when I joined that group, but I can tell you I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would get the support, guidance, friendships, shared love and true bad-ass feelings that I have gotten from this group. I remain a part of this group and I have made friendships here that will last me a lifetime. If you are reading this and looking to take a break from alcohol I highly recommend the Alcohol Tipping Point Alcoholiday- it is 30 days, very affordable and so much support. After participating in this group you have the option to join the AFBA group. I could write pages about this group- but the main thing is I found a community and this was instrumental to my success throughout the year. I cannot recommend finding a community more- even when it feels icky and vulnerable and embarrassing and so SCARY.

I was worried about relationships changing when I quit drinking. I was extremely concerned with people judging me for not drinking. I have not lost friendships, some had to go through a transition period but someone in my online community had said “it may be for now, but not forever”. She told me that when I was describing an odd interaction with someone. I held onto those words and she was 100% right.